This has been an interesting time in our life with the evolution of COVID-19. Talk about an incredible time to study human behaviors {I am not a psychologist}. I am super reflective and I can’t sleep if events in my life are stirring in my brain. Most of my ramblings I have exclusively posted to Facebook or group FaceTime calls with girlfriends; however, I woke up at 4:30 AM with conversations replaying in my head of the last few weeks and ain’t nobody gonna answer my call at 4:30 AM. Well, I do have one girlfriend that is likely awake. She rarely sleeps. However, writing this morning just felt right.
This moment, right now, in our life, suuuuucccckkkks!
My husband and I are both comfortable with defining our boundaries. For him it is natural for me it is a learned behavior. His responses are very direct while mine usually evolve out of some jokester-response.
On Facebook a week ago, I got into a discussion with a person I grew up with, our only connection with each other since childhood has been social media. She posted how “the Government could do better” and was relentless in her point of view. While I don’t agree or disagree with this sentiment, what does that metric look like? She ended up blocking me and moving on with her life. This response to my personality seems to be a pattern lately and has me disturbed. Am I that easy to navigate over to the unfriend button and delete? Am I so hard-headed that I don’t give people the opportunity to agree to disagree? I think this is where I get myself into trouble.
I know 100% for certain that is where I stand.
One of my beautiful, brilliant, girlfriends keeps echoing “WE NEED TO LIVE!” this lifestyle goes against her very nature, she is jovial always ready to be your ride or die. Should we let natural selection carry us through this and put an end to the “shelter in place” order? Should we shelter in place until the medical experts have what they believe to be enough equipment to carry us through the worst case scenario? Should we ignore the Executive Order and do what we want. I DON’T KNOW and honestly, right now, I would NOT want to be responsible for making those decisions. The one decision I did make for myself is that I do NOT want to be responsible for carrying COVID-19 to someone and them dying because I couldn’t control an impulse. {My husband is constantly coaching me on impulse control, specifically as it relates to shopping, but it is a good behavior to practice in all areas of my life; adulting can be so dumb.}
I don’t envy the decisions that government officials are having to make right now. Perhaps my point of view is different because when the shelter in place order was rolling out I was having to make some of these decisions, on a much smaller scale (seriously, ZERO comparison). I am on the board for my local food pantry and for a private school in my area. Both organizations have been impacted greatly. Thinking on the proper language and tone while remaining clear and empathetic can be complicated. We are complicated beautiful creatures!
My friend gave me the book “The Road Back to You” by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. I am a 3w2 and it has been an interesting review of my personality, and others. My friend that gave me this book has a much more developed personality than I do, she is great at not rocking the boat, knowing what to say and when and is fabulous at making everyone feel special. I however… … … have gotten into some pretty interesting debates (with people I love and with strangers alike, I am not biased, I will argue with anyone) over this situation and it is because I am so neutral in my opinion. Maybe neutral isn’t the right word…. I will chew on that.
I respect the Executive Orders that have been issued. As an extrovert I do not like being restricted to my home but I am not going to seek out the loophole. That doesn’t mean I am going to be a sheep and abandon my rights, it just means I am going to do my best, with my resources, to support my local economy until the infrastructure is in place for the government to ease restrictions. We can’t sustain this forever but I can forego some creature comforts for a hot minute. Stay healthy my friends.
“I love a lot of people, understand none of them”
Flannery O’Connor
My thoughts... Doggerel and Prose 